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Trish’s Story – Recovering from Mental Health Issues

If these words can help one life: then two lives have been meaningful.

Have you been to the edge of crazy? I sure have. The edge is a dark place, where you may believe that the answers to your questions live, or where your emotions have pushed you to. Trust me, sometimes those overwhelming dark thoughts sneak up on you and it feels like a battle to stay alive while your brain is trying to kill you.

Do you know someone who suffers from mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or more intense psychosis? I hope that you can read the signs as they appear and not stand back and be afraid to say and show the genuine power of love to someone near the dangerous edge. We all need to believe in our own personal greatness.

I have suffered from depression, anxiety, and who knows what other undiagnosed disorders since I was a child. I truly believe after doing my own research that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, yet my primary care physician looks at me as if I am not of this earth when I bring it up. Almost as if that sort of thing couldn't possibly live in the brain of a well-educated, articulate, successful woman. This doctor knows my history. What I have never been completely honest about is my real history. My history of binge eating, my history of obsessive and dangerous behaviors and my tendency toward addiction to drugs and alcohol.

I have been hospitalized as an inpatient and I have received outpatient treatment. I have so many times wished for inpatient hospitalization as my life spiraled out of control and yet no one appeared to notice, blaming it on "female hormones" or "stress". I live in this brain, this body, this heart, this soul. I know better.

I have tried several times to die, and now I'm glad I failed. I now have two beautiful children who I love very much. For the first time in my life, I am okay with failure...since failure means I get to survive. Each new day gives me an opportunity to reflect on many things, to meet new friends, and to help those who need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold during part of their own journey. We are all there for each other and for those who were not able to fight this darkness that can consume us.